What if God means it when he says, “there is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom.8: 1)?
What if he means it when he says, “now to him who is able to able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, as to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever” (Jude 24 – 25). Present you before the presence of his glory–that means white hair, eyes like flames of fire, legs like burning bronze, his mouth full of words like a two edged sword–with great joy. Do you hear that? With great joy.
What if this is true? “Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God” (I Cor 4:5.) Did you see that? Commendation. Not condemnation.
What if God is pleased with us, like a father is pleased with his children when they learn to walk, or hit a ball in a Little League game, or befriend the lonely kid? What if our final judgement is already settled? And we will rejoice in his Presence.
What if we greet the fire that burns up wood, hay and stubble with joy because we are glad to be rid of the stuff to keeps us from shining clean and clear as a diamond?
What if our sins being put as far as the east is from the west is true. What if the saying His mercy endures forever is real. Right here. Right now.
What if the accuser of the brethren is done for. What if the story in Zechariah where Joshua the high priest is standing before the angel of the Lord with Satan at the right hand to accuse him is true, is happening right now?
Here’s how it goes. And The Lord said, “The Lord rebuke you O Satan…Now Joshua was standing before the angel clothed in filthy garments. (Our sins are as filthy rags…I think the word is rags to soak up menstrual blood.) And the angel said to those who were standing before him, “Remove the filthy garments from him.” And to him he said, “Behold I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments” (Zec 3: 1 – 5, ESV). And right there in front of the accuser, the angel dresses Joshua with white linen and a beautiful turban for his head.
What if this is reality now even if we don’t have the eyes to see that the Lord is saying to the Accuser, Lord rebuke you.
Last week I told you how about my terror before the Wrath of the Lamb. I feel like that whatever I do isn’t enough, that it’s a sin to feel this quiet, content and happy. Because I’m the age my father was when he died, because I will have outlived the last member of my family, I tremble at the years ahead which will be about decrease.
My spiritual companion and I got to talking about my sense of lack in doing good. She wondered if maybe the widow’s mite could also be taken to mean that little generosities, small as pennies, that don’t count for much, are greater than the ostentatious giving of the Pharisee types. Maybe God takes pleasure, no delight, in the little kindnesses we offer. When I know someone is delighted by me, by what I’m doing, I will do more of it. But when I am beat up, told how I fail, I will fold up and quit.
So often my own thoughts beat me up, bringing up past rejections, saying these are the truth of my life. My thoughts point to the slouching beast crawling over the edge of the horizon, how common sense is spinning away, how frightening that is.
Often I hear the voice: Your work is repetitive, too self-involved, you’re saying too much—all accusations that make it hard to show up at the page.
My heart was broken when I published my novel, The River Caught Sunlight because I’d run out of persistence. I have four other books that go with this one. Did I succumb to acedia, the noon day demon, and blow a decade when I could have finished and published those books? Or was my creative energy spent? Did I have to let the work go fallow, let it lie underground, under leaves and logs, like the understory of a forest? And I forget there’s a whole body of work sitting here on Substack and my blog.
Now there are days when I can hardly put two words together and I wonder if the woman who loves to read and write novels is not here anymore. The loneliness rises and aches like arthritis in a joint when a storm is coming. But then I’d finished brushing Morgen, and the opening line to this essay came to mind. Then ideas for other essays bubbled up.
In All is Well, a book that riffs on what all is well means, Albert Rossi advises, “When we become aware of black thoughts, we can use them to say a quick prayer of surrender. Rejecting dark thoughts can be an inner martyrdom, because sometimes they seem overwhelming and larger than life. But all thoughts can be our friends if we use the gloomy thoughts as an opportunity to turn to the Lord. Some of the Fathers look upon dark thoughts, logismoi, as gifts from God that we can use to turn and become prayerful” (79).
I know those kinds of thoughts well: I’ll never break out of this loneliness since I was lonely from the first day I was born. I know how to piss people off. I suck at friendship. These thoughts are so comfortable I don’t resist them.
Albert Rossi’s words brought gentle rebuke: “In the morning, afternoon, evening and night my thoughts are scattered. Much of the time I’m aware of what I’m thinking with conscious awareness, I’m thinking worrisome thoughts. I’m thinking fearful thoughts, or thoughts of just being negative, despondent, and inadequate” (79).
Rossi goes on to say, “We can use the temptation as the stimulus-cue a gift from God, to turn us to prayer” (79).The prayer he uses is the Jesus Prayer, “Lord have mercy” unless he is too busy, then he just says the Name, Jesus, which is enough to turn his attention away from the bad thoughts.
A dear friend says I’m too hard on myself. I agree, but how does a person unwind from childhood years of being told with the supposed authority of God’s word I am sinful and unclean, a wretch, and deserving of eternal punishment?
I do not know how to undo this, except with Albert Rossi’s advice and the words that opened this essay, what if those words, “There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” are true.
Back to the vision in Zechariah. Yes, God tells Joshua to continue in following God’s ways, and he wallops God’s people with the promise, “I will remove the iniquity of this land in a single day. In that day, declares the Lord of hosts, every one of you will invite his neighbor to come under his vine and under his fig tree” (Zec 3: 9 – 10, ESV). I have to think that this happened when Jesus died and harrowed hell, when he kicked death to the curb, and blew the boulder holding his grave shut, appearing very much alive, very much embodied. While I think there is a time in the future when this kind of neighborliness will rule, I think it can rule here, now, especially if we know in our bones those filthy rags have been removed, and we have been clothed in white linen. We have been clothed with Christ himself.
Works Cited
The Holy Bible ESV. Good News Publishers ; Crossway Bibles, 2007
Rossi, Albert. All Is Well. Ancient Faith , 2020.
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